eatdixx's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the great fall whenever i approach this page, i never know where to start. perhaps i'll do things chronologically. or as they tumble out of my head into the sea of text. i woke up this morning to trees banging violently against the windows, making doors slam and chilling my back. all the muscles in my body ached, and i as i lay there all the things that happened yesterday came rushing in at once. i stood out on the balcony in the cold for a while, trying not to cry. i've cancelled all of my commitments today and tonight, i'm going to paint tonight and watch a french movie. i'm being macabre, aren't i! i don't mean to be. fuck, i'll lighten up. mrs bristle fucking fell over, when i was there with her. jeeeeeeeezus, it was full on. when i got there, i'd already worked a completely shit day, running half an hour late. i walked in, everything was dark, she had the telly on full ball, her nightie was up round her waist and she was pissed as fuck. clearly her son hadn't been, and she'd just gotten steadily drunk all day. i prepared her dinner, and hand fed her. when she tried to put the food into her mouth she missed, hitting her cheek, it was awful coz she really wanted to do it herself, but couldn't. uugghh, i worry about keeping her dignity. pulled her skirts down, fixed her up, sat her up. tried to get her to stand, she wouldn't cooperate. i stood in the kitchen for a while and tried to think what i should do, maybe call my work and ask them if i should be more forceful with getting her into bed, worrying about my next job at seven thirty and feeling selfish about having to leave. eventually i just went back in there and after fifteen minutes, got her to stand up. i was supporting her from the left, with my arms around her waist and front, but she tilted over to the right, like a crane delivering something to the ground we gradually tipped over and landed on the floor, pushing myself under her to catch her fall. she hit her head on a fucking speaker as she sort of fell off me. i'm not really sure how it happened. but i cradled her head, cold blood came away in my hands. i'll update more later. 3:44 p.m. - 2005-07-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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