eatdixx's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- free first half hour 1 baht per minute for after we have a resident gecko in our guesthouses. every night it makes this funny creaking noise, like a rusty old door, and then it gives a strange kinda shout out loud that sounds like GEKKO! GEKKO!! but in a really high pitched voice. it's quite bizarre. i thought some weirdo lived on the roof and made freaky noises just for fun. the guesthouse i've been staying in that earlier i may have referred to as a shit hole, isn't so bad. the day i checked in and came along here to write - i went back and asked the housekeeper for a bucket, scrubbing brush and rag. i used my soap and got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the wooden floor clean, going up and down the two flights to change the dirty black water. so now i can comfortably move around my small cell like room, which has two windows covered by dirty ripped curtains, holes in the plasterboard covered over by duct-tape to discourage peeking between rooms. it was a disconcerting thought that i might be spied on by my neighbour while sleeping or changing. i only just realised that all this time I COULD HAVE BEEN DOING THE SPYING!! oh well, i've made friends with Kurt next door and don't want to see him nekked. this morning i woke up crying. i had a dream that i couldn't explain the importance of condoms to my brother and he smiled at me as if to say it's already too late, which made me sob uncontrollably for an hour before i got out of bed. i think i am just worried in general about the quality and loneliness of his life and miss him. it could also be that last night til 5am i stayed up with lenny and had quite full on chats about life, which stirred up some thing i would rather not be thinking about when i'm by myself and not in my familiar surroundings where i usually deal with shit. read: i can't just roll a doobie and block it out. a few of us got together last night at the guesthouse for a farewell drink for kurt who's leaving today for chang mai. i bought candles and mosquito coils, turned out the awful fluro lights and made the courtyard comfortable. three large bullfrogs hopped past. they were orsum!! the people i was drinking with were these: jonathan - a 50 yr old american. story teller. awkward with quiet pauses, must talk all the time. kind man. interesting. professional traveller. [35 yrs living in asia] kurt - a belgium bloke, easy going, funny and not creepy at all. Apataro [means sun sigh] - a laos boy - trained as a buddhist monk from 12 yrs old til 24 - he's been living a non monk lifestyle for one month only - so i yelled at him for trying cigarettes and then taught him how to roll if he's going to smoke he may as well do it properly. also i taught him 'cunt'. we spend most of our time talking about aung san suu kii and her admirable qualities [i'm almost finished the book kate, it's so beautiful that i have tears every time in cafe's whilst reading, she's such a strong brilliant lady, my hero] lenny - my south african buddy. that turned weird last night DAMMIT!!!!!! we were drunk. everyone had gone to bed. we went to khao san and sat amongst the lady boy action and farangas [white boys] whilst they tried to pick up local girls. he said he wanted to kiss me. he asked me what i thought about that. i told him that i was disappointed that he wants that because i have no interest in it. i think things are a little damaged with him now, but he'll get over it, and then realise that he didn't really want to do it anyway - i'm too high maintenance. we've been spending a fair bit of time together talking. most of the time we laugh and get each other wound up and have a great connexion, but i'm sad that the connexion can't just be untainted by trying to take it a step further - it was already enough and perfect with just companionship. sigh. fucking cunt!!! takashi - japanese boy - he read my palm last night and showed me what the lines mean. he was worried by the many lines on my hands. apparently i will have two or three great loves in my life - [he thinks it may also mean that i marry two or three times but i don't believe that]. that i will have children. that i have already had some traumatic event or 'accident'. that i will live to be 80. apparently the little monk will live to be 100, by his lines. tomorrow morning i catch a bus to cambodia - 7am. i don't know how long i'll spend there. jacob is there. he emailed. i had already booked my bus there before i knew, though. i'd like to visit him there, but we'll see-maybe not possible. from there i go to chang mai, and then south 25-30 km's to a temple where i will stay for an unlimited amount of time, wearing the white garments the monks provide, having no paper or writing equipment, speaking only with my designated teacher, and getting up at 4am. the funny thing is that even though i can't wear jewellery, use anything with me that's worldly, i'm allowed to smoke. time to go about my bizness. i'm hoping the travel agent hasn't lost my passport, while applying for my cambodian visa. also, it should be cooler up north. that'd be nice. still dogs though. although that's a whole other story. 11:52 a.m. - 2004-08-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||